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I'd rather blog it than to be impulsive.

  1. Hangover.

    I still can’t believe this is happening. When his ways was hard to understand and now I can already put a finger on it, everything is making sense.

    TIWALA LANG TIWALA LANG TIWALA LANG :”>



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  2. THANK YOU LORD. :)

    For the past weeks, I’ve made this blog an emotional dumpsite. Hahaha. So much negativity in here.

    Anyway.

    Good or bad. Thank you Lord for making my life so eventful. I need this… maybe for future purposes. :P Lalalala.



    3.    1 note

  3. Someone gave me 10K without asking anything for return.

    Mercy of God.
    A teacher caught her student cheating during exam. But instead of giving a pain failing mark, she gave the boy a second chance to retake the exams.

    Grace of God.
    A teacher caught her student cheating during exams. But instead of giving a pain failing mark, she gave the boy a second chance to retake the exams… Not only that, the teacher gave the answer keys of the exams without asking anything for return.

    Someone gave me 10K without asking anything for return.

    Actually, there was a deal. Or was it even a deal? Well, for me, her favor is not even solely benefiting her or atleast it is not of the same weight with what she has given me… but no, I was the one who benefits more than the other.

    She asked me to help her become fit… I translated it as “teach me how to be sexy”. Heehee, one tip, feed worms in your tummy. Or atleast, don’t eat too much. Then my friend told me, “Ikaw ang kakain ng kalahati ng pagkain ko.” My gally. That doesn’t benefit her, siya din lugi. I almost conclude, I have a crazy friend.

    Why is she crazy? I know her disposition and it’s not far from what I’m experiencing. Earning for living (without sugarcoat…money) is a big issue for us. Although I’m more blessed with such crisis, she also need such thing (10k is something, goodness, one can buy a decent Android phone with that). But she gave it to me.

    I am really at the peak of my decision and it’s out of pride. I don’t want to be treated with pity and I don’t want to owe anyone of anything. Then she told me, she did not give it out of pity (because she knows I can manage) but she gave it because it is what God wants her to do.

    Then, my conclusion shifts… WE HAVE A CRAZY GOD.

    Flash back few weeks, I applied for a scholarship (it’s my own way of saving myself, not even a God-planted plan) but unfortunately, I was disqualified. I was so depressed with the result (worries like “saan ako kukuha ng pang capital” “paano pangtuition ko” fell behind) but I decided to not worry anymore and leave it all to God.

    How could anything out of nothing be something?

    Out of depression (I know this is sick), I scanned the Bible and landed at the Book of Ezra Chapter 1. I don’t know why, I just love the name, Ezra. I’m not a bible fanatic (don’t get me wrong, I love the Word of God) so it’s normal that I don’t understand everything. I even translate it literally and try to apply it with my issue.  But then, the verses don’t make sense to me. Really. Look at this.


    2 “This is what Cyrus king of Persia says:

    “‘The Lord, the God of heaven, has given me all the kingdoms of the earth and he has appointed me to build a temple for him at Jerusalem in Judah. 3 Any of his people among you may go up to Jerusalem in Judah and build the temple of the Lord, the God of Israel, the God who is in Jerusalem, and may their God be with them. 4 And in any locality where survivors may now be living, the people are to provide them with silver and gold, with goods and livestock, and with freewill offerings for the temple of God in Jerusalem.’”

    I assume that building a temple at Jerusalem means putting up a business. This seems unreal because I will be putting up a business which I am not passionate about. I’m not even answering God’s call through this, or in simple words, I’m not even using my core gifts with my business. I am just vain, not a designer. I’m more of a writer (that I believe, good writers are not good in technical terms but they are good in giving life to a piece which can move the reader’s heart). That’s why I keep on blogging and writing in diaries because I want to remember extraordinary events in my life then I can put them together to make a great book. I dream of being a writer, or even a movie director. Story maker, story proclaimer (is there such term hahaha). I heard so many inspiring stories (that’s a job of a senior sister) and I have so many stories to offer to the world. Okay, enough bragging. So how does that (fashion business) became God’s anointing to me? Does not make sense…. yet. This makes me excited because God is not yet done pouring his grace on me. Oh gally. As what my friend told me, “Akala mo lang yan na yung ibibigay niya sa ‘yo, malay mo meron pa siyang mga regalo”. Okay, I’m a human, gifts make me excited. :P

    What captured me the most in this chapter is this verse (below). Not because it’s about wealth but because this is the part that can be applied so far to my disposition. Neighbors contributing their own wealth for King Cyrus’ assignment. Hmmm. And today, I think it’s fulfilled. Because again, someone gave me enough money for my business implementation.

    9 This was the inventory:

    gold dishes30silver dishes1,000silver pans[b]2910 gold bowls30matching silver bowls410other articles1,000

    11 In all, there were 5,400 articles of gold and of silver. Sheshbazzar brought all these along with the exiles when they came up from Babylon to Jerusalem.


    I was King Saul. I lost my heart in serving Him because of what happened to me. But now, He’s giving me such thing I don’t deserve. I can’t put into words of how grateful I am. Really. Thank you, Lord! And yes, thank you, I bet you’re reading this. You are such a good friend. All my life, I keep on giving to others even if it means my own suffering, I keep on sacrificing but not receiving the same weight of what I gave. I believe that God is a God of His words, claim it, He’ll fulfill His promise to you. And this gift will be used appropriately. You saved me, thank you!


    “Babalik din yan sa kanya, sobra pa.”-Mama



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  4. WEH =))

    Cause you raised it so high while others can’t comply. Sorry I was left behind, maybe this is a fair goodbye. You’re maybe asking so many WHYs. But it’s me and my stupidity… that I cannot deny. So go ahead, I wish you the best, make your own dreams go wild. And if I catch up, am I still welcome to join?



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  5. Just another rant.

    I know how sick this question is. But I keep asking myself whenever he crosses my mind, that if ever he dies, is there any difference? We are living as if he never existed even if he was still with us. Living like you are not existing to people you love is worse than being dead. So is death his favor? Or maybe not? He can still live a different life even though he got an awful past behind him, like fuck somebody else and have his own happy family. Anyway. I think it will be different when he dies, because the hope of having a great family will be gone with him six feet below the ground, though I’m not sure whose hope is that, maybe Yog, or maybe me. I’m sure that’s not my mother’s, cause his relationship with him is hopeless, or maybe not yet? I don’t know. So after that one whole question comes branches of other questions. And the one that hurts me so much is to answer “Was he really a father to us?” For the record, I keep on saying no and never. But at the end of the day, I’ll cry out that he was and is a father to us. Fuck, I’m the bad one. Fuck this. Yes, he really is a father to us.

    Back when me and my kuya were in prep school, he took care of us because my mother was away for living. Mama, who is supposed to be the ilaw ng tahanan, was and is the head of the family, the bread winner. On the other hand, Papa, was a great support.  I can clearly remember how he took care of me and kuya. My school is just few steps away from our house so Papa had to fetch me everyday and then we’ll walk together as we go home. I was the boss you know, if I wanted a sorbetes, he’ll buy one for me. I remember this very cute scene, me and papa were on our way home and we saw kuya’s school bus passed us by but it didn’t stop. No one will open the gate for kuya because wheels are faster than feet. So what papa did, he carried me on his back and ran home as fast as he can. It was a joy riiiide! Not to mention, he had to carry my big school bag too and we were laughing. It was fun you know. Then we saw Kuya, sitting outside the house, with gloomy eyes, I know he was nervous because no one’s home. And when he saw us, he yelled at us like a boss. Yeah, he loved us so dear. I was his favorite. I got a picture with him and I couldn’t stand looking at it for several seconds. It’s just too painful to see how close we were yet how stranger we are now to each other. Fuck! Yet until now, he tries his best to cope up even if in term of financials. Better to give something small than to give nothing at all.

    I can’t remember the time when he started being violent, lazy, dreamless, and indifferent. Anyway, he was my favorite for the six years of my existence. And I can’t forget how painful it is to witness my favorite person turned into someone I hate. I miss that person. I miss him so much. 



    6.    

  6. For Hurricane Kitty giveaway contest! <3

    7.    

  7. May 2012 Giveaway

    hurricanekitty:

    Summer vacation’s almost over and classes will start soon. So before you hit the books, join my big blog giveaway! :) 1 lucky winner (yes, only one and it might be you) will get a chance to win all these prizes:





    1 bag, 2 shorts and 2 tops from Sam’s Station (best fit: small-medium)

    500php worth of GC from Happy Bee

    Skin Revitalizer cream and Papaya Kojic soap from Diana Stalder

    How to join:

    Read More



    8.    461 notes

  8. Requirements for Hurricanekitty’s giveaway contest. Gally. I fell inlove with the accessories! hello there miss je!

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  9. Summer Giveaway

    hurricanekitty:

    Here’s a giveaway to make your summer more fun! :) Get a chance to win all these awesome prizes (1 winner only):

    3 necklaces, 1 pair of earrings, 1 bracelet and 1 ring from Trendphile

    1 top from Peace Love & Fashion



    3 necklaces and 1 blue skirt from Giftsahoy



    1 necklace, 1 pair of earrings and 1 black dress from Simone’s Closet

    Mechanics:

    Read More

    (via hurricanekitty)



    10.    599 notes

  10. manilabloggers.tumblr.com

    GUSTO KONG GUMAWA NG BLOGSITE NA PARA SA MADLA. <3



    11.    

  11. Pasensosya no more.

    Ang taong minsan lang magalit, malupit.



    12.    

  12. Expect more delays.

    Prototype Making.
    -haven’t heard anything yet from my subcontractor. considering the complexity of my product pattern, i think 5 weeks is not enough… not mentioning the work loads and the demand for production. so Kaye, expect to have your mass prod on June. expect more rants from the ever bullsht Aban. hopefully you can start your initial marketing efforts by the mid of May. hopefully… if you are persistent enough in bugging them. and if you have clear concept of what to do for your promotions. START NOWWW!

    Application. Registration.

    -damn that ID. just realized how important it is to take care of your valid ID. TO TAKE CARE OF IT. TAKE CARE OF IT. oh well, atlast, after a year of surviving without my ID, i can now mind having one. maybe next week. i hope the process is not as slow as a torpe guy.

    Scholarship.
    -atleast i tried.

    ABOVE ALL. EXPECT TO EXPERIENCE “NEGATIVE WORD HERE”. SO EXPECT TO HAVE AN AWESOME SUNDAYS. CAUSE I NEED FUEL FROM THE EVER SUPREME BEING. 



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  13. Yes or No? -____-

    For three weeks, I’ve been trying to complete San Lorenzo’s requirements. And for some reasons of such delays in each of the requirements… nawawalan na ako ng gana ipagpatuloy ‘to. But I shouldn’t be, this is a real big deal for me and my family. 100% paid na ang tuition fee ko if ever matanggap ako plus the fair allowance. Pang capital ko na lang din yung pang tuition fee ko. So stand up, don’t be weaken by those stupid cause of delays. Stand up stand up! Better be late than never. Late kung late, matanggap man o hindi, bahala na. Hindi ko na macontrol lahat ng ‘to. I guess I have more days to discern if this is really the will of God… 

    “How dependent are you to me? Why are you worrying of what’s ahead as if I’m not with you? I can provide. Let me help you. Let me, okay? Don’t do things on your own ways.” 



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  14. Had a great term! :)

    Fulfilling.

    And somehow, painful.

    Hooray. Taking care of a dozen heads with different molds is no easy responsibility. Some are pure sweeties, others are hard-to-spell and few are bitchy but loving. I have invested so many stuffs for them (just like how a mother invested money for her child’s education and all. plus all those “insert mushy words here”). I love them from the bottom of my heart even though I felt like I’m being a doormat already (just like how a mother feels when her child disobeys). Balancing every aspect of my life is the greatest challenge (just like how a mother chooses quality time for her family over her  office jobs). Why hooray?! @.@ Cause here I am. Just watching them walk through the aisle. They are on their own now… making decisions on their own, living their own dreams, inspiring other people, continuing the legacy, you know, those kind of stuffs which make me wanna say “They’re all grown up already.” HAHAHA. Atlast! I can now love myself more. I can now try new things that will help me grow, fix broken stuffs I ignored, fill this empty love tank once more and bring back the old happy Kaye. 

    God bless them. 



    15.    

  15. That FB application.

    God wants you to know…

    … that you can only give away what you already have inside yourself.

    True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you’ve missed the first step of filling in your own Self with these emotions.
    For the past few weeks, I find it hard to smile. And damn, am I that transparent? “Okay ka lang po, Ate Kaye?” or “Hindi ikaw si Kaymar.” or “Bakit ang tahimik mo?”
    Every idle second is a struggle. I struggle not to think of crazy stuffs how to kill myself. Not literally. But how? I’m a woman full of dreams and every idle second for me is a great opportunity to plan baby steps to my goal… that was some months ago. And now, I’m stuck with being pessimistic. I know I am being attacked by the other side but I don’t know what made me think this way… again. Maybe, that painful event. Shit. What the hell.



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